Tuesday Quickies: Teething Edition

I had a theme for this week, but I'm sleep deprived and I never get my shit together to find ten links for it. Yes, that's right: I am too tired to surf the web. So have some things from my bookmarks that have made me giggle.

Don't try to steal this dude's iPhone:
Chased Down a Thief Today (Localocracy)

Don't forget--Vajazzling still exists:
Sexist Beatdown: Vajazzling, and its Inevitable Male Counterpart, Dickerating (Washington City Paper)

Don't forget to turn off the lensflare machine:
Star Trek: How It Should Have Ended (HISHE)

Don't read this somewhere you can't laugh out loud:
The Alot is better than you at everything (Hyperbole and a Half)

Don't expect the usual relationship advice from someone named 'Mann Landers':
The Mann Landers Column

Don't send these cards to relatives who don't understand the young people's humor:
Foxy Blunt

Don't declare yourself King of the Geeks until you take this quiz along with John Hodgman and Patton Oswalt:
Science Fiction Trivia Challenge (WFMU)

I don't believe there's a town named "Fingringhoe." They must have made that up.
Britain's Rudest Place Names (The Telegraph)

Don't buy a jetpack for $90,000. Wait for it to go on sale.
Safe and Affordable Jetpack: Just $90,000 (Wired)

From the wayback machine: "I don't think this internet thing will catch on."
Why the Web Won't Be Nirvana (Newsweek)