Don't Forget To Wear White Next Week

It's almost Memorial Day weekend, y'all, and in honor of that, we're taking Monday off. Some of us have great plans (a weekend in wine country! A college reunion!) and some of us...well, some of us have a conference all the way through Sunday afternoon, but are trying really hard not to be bitter about it.

So, whether you're hanging out in Chicago with the Obamas (hey Sasha, can I borrow your top?), kicking off the official start of BBQ season, or hanging out at the pool because it is finally open, we hope our US readers have an amazing weekend. And our non-US readers should also have an amazing weekend, because it's the weekend YAY.

And get ready to bust out those white pants next week, because no longer will you have to worry about that Secret Footage - Stacy and Clinton decree it, and this chick approves.


UbyKotex - So Obnoxious - Watch more Funny Videos

Don't Be Afraid to Screw Up

From Conan O'Brien's speech to the Harvard Class of 2000:

I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of the Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet every failure was freeing, and today I’m as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good. So that’s what I wish for all of you—the bad as well as the good. Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.

Don't Forget that Brown Women Wear Makeup Too

As a teenager, I started my love for fashion and beauty magazines. I still remember the joy and anticipation in opening a big fat August issue of Seventeen magazine and circling all of the exciting new fashions for the coming school year. I would get to see what my favorite celebrities were wearing, read try to convince my mom to buy me some of the full outfits that I saw in the "Going off to College" pictorial, and read all about doing a smokey eye and using blush and powder to contour your cheekbones. Except the problem with the magazines is that the makeup tips never quite worked for me, because in the ranges of skin colors they would show the best new makeup shades for, the darkest skin color was always olive. I wrote a letter to the editors of Teen magazine about that once -- I still remember, I signed it as "My skin is not olive" -- and got some form letter back.

A lot of things have changed in the past fifteen or so years, and thankfully, I have a better time now in the pages of Lucky and Allure in finding makeup shades for me. Better, but still not great -- there are still usually about four possible shades for white women and one for brown women, and I always get excited when a brown skinned celebrity is on the cover, because I'm then sure of finding out what great lipstick they used on her. But I really didn't think that there were still makeup companies that don't even make shades for women of color, but even in the world of Michelle Obama, I was wrong.

A few weeks ago, I was looking for a new tinted moisturizer, and was browsing the aisles of Sephora. A skincare line that I've liked a lot in the past, Korres, had a tinted moisturizer with SPF that I had read about and was excited to test. Except when I went to test the shade against my skin, I discovered that their darkest shade was still way too light for my skin color. I said something to the woman helping me at Sephora, and she said that since Korres is a Greek company, they're not used to the range of skin colors in the US. Yeah, she clearly didn't believe it either. I came home and wrote Korres a letter about it; this time I didn't even get a form letter.

What I don't understand about this is that Black and Latino women obviously care about makeup. From Michelle Obama (whose makeup is always flawless, and oh wow, I wish I knew which products she used), to RuPaul and everyone in between, we are all pretty fabulous. We love lipcolors, from muted to in your face, we love doing delightful things with our nails, but mostly, we love makeup just as much as white women do. I'm not sure why magazines and makeup companies continue to ignore this market, but I'm really tired of them assuming that there's only one shade of woman of color, and it's the light shade of either Beyonce or Zoe Saldana or the dark shade of Gabby Sidibe. There are many shades in between (and lighter than Bey/Zoe and darker than Gabby).

I loved the products that I got from you, Korres, but in the future, I will send my makeup and skincare dollars to companies that care about me and people who look like me. Therefore, here is an incomplete list of resources for women (and men!) of color who want to find great makeup:

Bobbi Brown is awesome, and has lots of foundation and powder shades for every range on the skin color wheel (and I totally suspect that Michelle O. wears some of her stuff).
M.A.C has long had lots of great shades for women of many colors, and even though their salespeople are usually bitchy and make you look like a drag queen, their stuff is still awesome.
Stila, the brand that I eventually got my tinted moisturizer from, had a wide range of possible shades, and there were some just slightly lighter than me and just slightly darker than me that I didn't get, because the shade that was my shade was perfect, amazing.
Carol's Daughter, not strictly makeup, but has lots of hair and skincare stuff for women of color.
Iman and Black Opal Beauty are both drugstore brands geared towards women of color (warning, the Iman website plays music. Seriously, Iman?).
This awesome blog, Makeup 4 Black Women, has color ranges, makeup tips, shade reviews, and great tutorials.
Another fun blog, Makeup and Beauty Blog is all about what it says, and is written by a woman of color.

And finally, I give you this fabulous man who has a ton of makeup videos and is hilarious, has good tips, and just all around rocks, and his advice is great for women of all colors.

Please feel free to share your favorite makeup for brown women resources!

Tuesday Quickies: Old Lady Edition

Oh lord, you guys, my college reunion is this weekend. I've been looking at my old scrapbooks and wishing I'd had a better idea of how damn cute I was back then. Screw changing history; if I had a time machine I'd go back and tell my college self, "You aren't going to have those boobs forever, you know. For god's sake, have more sex."

So in honor of my decrepitude, some links (very) loosely themed around youth and young womanhood.

I don't know how goddamn many times I'm going to need to say this, but your vulva doesn't need to be pretty. Vajazzling is just another way to get you to Spend. More. Money. Don't do it.
The kind of girl who ices her muffin (Not That Kind of Girl)

Don't believe a phone can make or break friendships (again: Your money. They want it.)
Microsoft's Kin Ponders the Nature of Friendship (AdFreak)

Don't look like a moron when you give a commencement speech:
Ann Curry speaks at Wheaton College...but which one? (Boston Globe)

I don't think these shots would work if you were actually drinking beer:
Amazing Beer Pong Shots (YouTube via Sports Guy)

Don't forget that corporate America is evil in many subtle ways:
Your Office Chair is Killing You (BusinessWeek)
and
Your Commute is Ruining Your Happiness (Scienceblogs)

Don't be afraid to just tell a blowhard to stuff it, but if you need help, use these:
Stop Talking (Design Within Reach)

Don't stress about dinner. The internet has you covered:
What the Fuck Should I Make For Dinner

Don't be cynical about love. Remember that romance can happen anytime, anywhere:
Groom-to-be pops the question at Whole Foods (Boston Globe)

Don't use empty boxes and a piece of plywood as your coffee table:
Neil Gaiman's Cthulhu-esque table (made by Chul An Kwak)

Don't forget your towel:
Towel Day (Wikipedia)

Don't Do Drugs, Kids

Or else you might go from looking like this:



To this:



in five short years. Oh, and also lose any career, friends, and grip on reality you once may have had. Oy, she makes me sad.

Don't Buy Cosmo Just Because You Like The Cover Girl

So I have this problem. And by "problem," I mean girlcrush, and by "girlcrush," I mean I am crushed with INSANE LUST. Her name is Pink, and she's just about the hottest, most talented, most badass, most adorable and hilarious (follow her on Twitter!) celebrity on Earth. I adore her. I simultaneously want to be her best friend and also sleep with her. I am far too invested in her relationship with her equally adorable (and lustworthy) husband - I was unreasonably happy when they got back together, and I want them to live happily ever after, riding their bikes and mocking each other for all eternity. And all this is not even to mention her music, which is so good, and her voice, which is brilliant, even when she's hanging upside down. Her I'm Not Dead album got me through what was equally the best and worst year of my life - my soon-to-be-husband bought it for me during a two week hospital stay, and I listened to it nonstop on the beach during our honeymoon four months later. Basically, Pink rocks, and you should just bow down to her. You saw these performances, right? The Fug Girls have it dead on.

What you should NOT do? Buy the issue of Cosmopolitan that is currently on newsstands, no matter how effing hot she looks on the cover. (And y'all, she looks seriously effing hot.)

Here are some actual, genuine quotes from this gem of an issue.

"As much as we admire Angie [Jolie]'s ballsy attitude (or at least used to), the actress...has shown that she's willing to do whatever it takes to get the Mr. Smith she wants...and no wife - sorry Jen - is about to stop her."
(They KNOW that The Breakup was FIVE YEARS AGO, right? And that he was the married one?)

"So what is important? Well, it's hard as hell to figure out because no dude is going to outright articulate what he needs from you to be happy."

"...maintaining a sense of mystery is especially crucial as things become serious...TMI is not only a turnoff, but it also forces him to rethink his image of you as a strong, sexy woman."
(BTW, their definition of TMI includes sharing that you have to pee and mentioning your waxing appointment. Strong and sexy women don't need to pee or maintain their brows!)

Plus, an article about why men heart skanks (name-dropping specific celebs and mistresses, then referring to them as "trashy chicks" and "low-rent floozies," glossing over the fact that the guys those mistresses were sleeping with were the married ones...sensing a pattern?), a charming few pages about How To Make A Man Commit (full of great blanket statements like, "Men want someone fun - plain and simple" and "He doesn't want to see you in sweatpants three nights in a row," which means that I'm pretty sure my husband's going to be filing for divorce any second now), a You, Even Better feature reminding you that your new husband won't love you if you gain the 21 pounds that the average woman gains after she gets married (apparently he'll "feel freaked" and decide you don't care about him anymore), and a full page of people taking pictures of strangers and sending them to the magazine, bitching about their terrible clothes or accessories.

And seriously, EVERY SINGLE ITEM relates back to sex in some way. Even if you save some money (Dates Under $10!) and go to the cheap carnival in your town, you should, according to Cosmo, then want to bone. And did you know they have PORN now? Seriously! Two pages of porn! When did Cosmo start swiping Penthouse's Letters leftovers?

(This is where we remind you not to take sex advice from Cosmo. No seriously. That has not changed in the last couple of months.)

When your magazine puts a strong, badass, unique talent like Pink on the cover, it would be nice if the content reflected some of those qualities. A two-page interview with one of the most individual and self-posessed celebrities out there does not make up for all the other garbage - encouraging readers to hide who they are, second-guess what they do, say, and wear, and to revolve everything in their life around getting, keeping and pleasing a man? When the magazine spends pages and pages telling you about how shitty and stupid men are? Something tells me that Pink would not approve of any of it.

So if you're wandering by the newsstand and you see her glaring out at you, looking fucking fierce, just stop, think about taking an extra five minutes to read the article while you're standing there, and then don't waste your money. Save your five bucks and get a few of her songs off iTunes. It won't make you feel shitty about yourself, I guarantee it.

Don't be afraid to roast a chicken

One of the easiest and homiest meals to make for a dinner party, your family, or just yourself is a roast chicken. The idea of making a whole one apparently scares some people, but I am here to tell you that it is as easy as pie. Okay, wait, not as easy as pie, because many of you are probably scared of making pie too, but don't worry, I'll address that soon! How about as easy as spaghetti?

I roast chickens all the time, sometimes for other people, and sometimes on a Monday night just for me, and I'll feast off the leftovers all week, many times repurposing them into things like chicken pot pie, chicken tacos, chicken salad, chicken sandwiches, you name it. It's also an easy meal for when people are coming over -- when there's a large group of people, I've just put two chickens in the oven at the same time on a big roasting pan, and it works perfectly. And then while the chicken is cooking and resting, you can deal with any of the side dishes, and greeting your guests, and the whole house smells great as they walk in.

A great base recipe is Thomas Keller's, of The French Laundry and Per Se fame. But don't let that put you off! I know he is famous for his oyster and pearls and other super complicated dishes, but this is not one of them. Here's his recipe: take a chicken, as small as you can get it (he wants you to have one for around 3 pounds, but this works for larger ones too); preheat your oven to 450; dry the chicken off really well; salt it well with kosher salt and black pepper; tie the drumsticks together with kitchen twine*; put it in a roasting pan and in the oven, and then walk away, and come back in about an hour. That's all! That's it!

Now, people will freak out about how to know that the chicken is done. A lot of people will tell you to use a meat thermometer here, but though I have a good one, I never use it when I roast a chicken (you can, of course, if you're nervous about that, just make sure that it's in the thickest part of the chicken thigh and not touching the bone, and that it's 165 F). The chicken is generally done when you can wiggle the drumstick and it will easily wiggle for you. But when it hits either 165 or wiggle time, it's not time to cut into the chicken -- that's when you put it on a cutting board, cover it loosely and let it rest -- the chicken will keep cooking as it rests, and then it will be super moist when it's time to eat.

Once you master that basic recipe, though, there are plenty of ways to dress it up and make it your own. I usually bend the wings backward and tuck them under the chicken before roasting, because it makes for a prettier presentation and then the chicken sits a little more upright on the pan like above. I often tuck some herbs down into the skin on the breast, and sometimes I'll start the chicken breast side down and flip it over to make sure that the whole bird cooks evenly -- I usually flip it with my handy kitchen tongs, probably my favorite kitchen tool (get the 12 inch ones, they're the most useful), but you can just use your hands tucked into oven mitts, or a spatula and a long fork. I usually cut up a lemon and tuck it inside and around the bird too, becasue it makes the skin all lemony, but there are about a million ways to flavor it and make yourself happy.

But for all that is good and holy, do yourself a favor and cut up a few potatoes and put them in the roasting pan when you have about 30 minutes left of roasting the chicken. When you take the chicken out of the pan to rest, stir the potatoes around and return them to the oven to keep roasting until they're done. Those potatoes that roast in the chicken fat are some of the best potatoes that you will ever make or eat, trust me.

And with those potatoes, a nice green salad, and some green beans, asparagus, or sauteed kale or chard, depending on the season, you have a fantastic dinner for almost anyone, including one for just yourself.

*Actually, he wants you to truss it, but if you're a beginner, just tying the drumsticks together with kitchen twine works just fine.

Tuesday Quickies: Geek Edition

(Daisy's Christmas tree. Spot the geekery!)

I don't believe you can get plush toys of all the subatomic particles. (I want a tachyon!)
Particle Zoo

After you get the particles, don't forget to buy baby's first physics book:
Pat Schrodinger's Kitty (Etsy)

I don't entirely understand the physics here (I need the plush toys to act it out for me!), but the final quote is fabulous:
From Fermilab, a New Clue to Explain Human Existence? (New York Times)

Don't spell without it:
The Geek Alphabet (Geeks are Sexy)

Don't call me a geek without checking this venn diagram first:
The Difference Between Nerd, Dork and Geek Explained (Great White Snark)

And don't call me a fanboy either. For one thing, I'm a girl.
Fanboy! The strange true story of the tech world's favorite put-down. (Technologizer via Gizmodo)

Don't put this in your house if you ever want to have sex ever ever:
Star Wars Wampa rug (ThinkGeek)

Don't get these tattoos if you ever want to have sex ever ever:
Nerd Tatts of the Week (Nerdist)

Don't date someone you don't like kissing. It's science:
Pucker Up: Scientists Study Kissing (CNN)

Don't even think about claiming astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson as your science boyfriend. He is mine. Mine, I tell you!
The Secret Life of Scientists: Neil DeGrasse Tyson (PBS)

Don't Be Afraid to Take Fashion Risks

Y'all expect me to rip on the photo above, don't you? I mean come on: it's a pair of turquoise skinny jeans! That are so tight the poor girl is knock-kneed! But I have to tell you, she was kind of working them. It helped that she was about sixteen and radiating the kind of Eff you, I'm hot shit attitude vital to pulling off crayola-colored pants.

But my point is that it's easy to fall into a fashion rut, especially when you're lucky enough to know exactly what looks good on you. I was unwillingly yanked out of my rut when I didn't magically return to my pre-pregnancy weight (which will be the subject of a future post titled "Don't tell me I still need to lose a few pounds, DAD."). Tops that used to be flattering now make my boobs look like two melons in a plastic shopping bag. Skirts that used to rock now turn me roly-poly.

So I end up trying on pretty much half the store whenever I'm shopping now, and I'm not going to lie: it's frustrating as hell sometimes. But! The glee I feel when I try on something I was sure would look ridiculous and it magically turns me into a hottie instead? Totally worth it.

So if you're looking for kick-ass boots in black? Try them on in hot pink too. At worst you won't like them, and at best you'll be like the young lady in the picture above: inspiring random strangers to think, Girl, you are Pulling. Them. Off.

Don't Miss In The Heights

What was the last Broadway show you saw? Actually, what's the last Broadway show you can NAME? Cats? Phantom? Les Miserables? Maybe even Rent? If those are your answers, I have a proposition for you. And that proposition is: Read this post.

For me, it all started with the 2008 Tony awards.

During the first hour, the cast of a show I've never heard of called In The Heights performs, since it's nominated for Best Musical. I find it intriguing and exciting, both musically and lyrically ("It's gettin' too darn hot/Like my man Cole Porter said" is pretty genius) and hey, isn't that the kid from Camp?? I love Camp! I therefore love this!

Then, a while later, the show wins Best Original Score, and this goofy looking dude, who is apparently also the star, gets up and gives the best acceptance speech I've ever seen. Complete with improvised Sondheim shout-out! Go ahead and watch it. I'll wait.

The next day at lunch, I went to the record store and bought the soundtrack and listened to it for days - okay fine, weeks - in a row. The story - about three days in the life of a Latin community in Washington Heights, Queens, New York - is, in many ways, far away from my own life. But the themes of home, family, love, belonging, loss and hope are themes that even the most cyncial person, living far from that world, can relate to. I loved it, and I was so bummed that I lived about seven states away from the Great White Way, the only opportunity I had to experience In The Heights in person. And so I did what any non-NYC-living Broadway freak would do: I turned to the internet.

Things like Legally Brown (Matthew Morrison appearance!) and Heights Cool Musical were discoveries that followed, and then, at Christmastime, there was this, and I was done. My enjoyment of the show was already through the roof, but my enjoyment of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Turned into slightly creepy stalker-y type adoration.

In 2009, Lin (we are clearly besties who are on a first name basis) worked with Stephen Sondheim on translating dialogue and lyrics from West Side Story into Spanish for the revival. He composes for and appears on the revival of The Electric Company. He won a Grammy and was a finalist for the Pulitzer for In The Heights. He was House's roommate. He left the show, with a wonderful final curtain call. He got engaged. He was part of this documentary that has been on my Tivo since May. He performed for the First Family. And he's going to Run This Tour.

(He also just turned 30.)

So that's the timeline of my slightly creepy obsession with Lin-Manuel Miranda. But what about the show? Why am I lecturing you about some random show that's far away from you in NYC?

Because, didn't you watch the Run This Tour video? THEY ARE ON TOUR. AND YOU SHOULD GO. Mr. Roxy and I had the privilege of seeing it TWICE when the show was in our city, and it was worth every penny and moment that we spent with it.

The tour cast, though maybe easy to dismiss, is phenomenal. The first night we saw it, four of the lead characters were played by their understudies. You'd generally think, especially with a tour cast, "Oh hell. Understudies." (When we saw Les Mis on tour a few years ago, we got stuck with understudy for Valjean. It was a rough few hours.) Not with this company. Every role, even those played by people who had never done it before, was pitch-perfect. We had two different understudies when we saw it the second time, and it was still just as wonderful.

If you think you don't like theatre, or that musicals are cheesy, or that there's nothing in this story that appeals to you or that you can relate to...well, you're wrong. And I'm sorry for being bossy, but isn't that the point of this whole endeavor? So when you see In The Heights roll through your town, just stop, think about how your life could use some culture - or just some dancing - and don't miss out.

(PS, I'm not getting anything for writing this post. I just love it, and you should trust me. Have I led you astray yet?)