Don't be Brett Favre

You know, this topic was one of the ones that we discussed at the initiation of this blog, but we figured that just a plain "Don't be Brett Favre" was too obvious. But you know what? Given the news today that Brett Favre just now discovered that he has to have ankle surgery in order to play next season, I think that it's time. Don't be Brett Favre, and don't let your friends and family be him either.

I repeat, on the last day of April, three and a half months after Brett Favre last choked played a game, he has told his team that he has to have ankle surgery, on an ankle that he's had surgery on twice before, in order to play football next season.

Today, on the day that NFL minicamps begin, he announces this.

Today, a week and a half after the draft ended, the draft in which his team could have and did not select a quarterback in a high round.

Today, well after a free agent period ended, in which his team could have gotten a quarterback that is better than the collection of shitty quarterbacks that they have (both Donovan McNabb and Jason Campbell were dealt around, and either is significantly better than Tarvaris Jackson, Sage Rosenfels, and whoever the hell they picked in the 6th round).

Hell, he didn't even see a doctor about this ankle injury -- which, again, happened in JANUARY -- until recently.

And now all NFL fans (and really, all sports fans, given the way that ESPN covers this story) will be subjected to Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre Brett Favre all damn summer long. Who wants to bet that his name will come up during the ESPN coverage of the World Cup? Soccer - football - Brett Favre plays football, done!

His team will be screwed over regardless, but Brett Favre doesn't care, because all he cares about is himself and how many times people say his name, how often poor Rachel Nichols has to be camped out on his front lawn, and how many more tearful press conferences he is able to have (my money is on at least three). Because he knows that when he goes away, no one will care about him anymore, and they will move both their affections and their hatred on to the next quarterback (I bet Brett Favre really hates Tim Tebow). Brett, football will go on without you, please just go away. And the next person out there who is thinking about acting like this? You don't be Brett Favre either.

Don't Forget About HIV

We're taking a break from our usual bossiness and condescension today, but don't worry - it'll be back tomorrow.

In a letter published in the Washington Post this week, Elton John wrote to his friend Ryan White:

"Dear Ryan:

Twenty years ago this month, you died of AIDS. I would gladly give my fame and fortune if only I could have one more conversation with you, the friend who changed my life as well as the lives of millions living with HIV. Instead, I have written you this letter."

Elton goes on to describe the world Ryan lived in - one where he was expelled from school and shunned and threatened by his community - and to acknowledge the tremendous difference Ryan made once he became a celebrity. As Elton said:

"When the media heralded you as an "innocent victim" because you had contracted AIDS through a blood transfusion, you rejected that label and stood in solidarity with thousands of HIV-positive women and men. You reminded America that all victims of AIDS are innocent.
When you became a celebrity, you embraced the opportunity to educate the nation about the AIDS epidemic, even though your only wish was to live an ordinary life."

And he did. For our readers who were too young in the late 80s to remember, Ryan was on national television, in newspapers, and in front of lawmakers, talking about his experiences as a teenager with HIV and his hopes for the future, both in his own life and for the disease in this country.

As Elton continues to tell Ryan about all the things that have changed about HIV in this country, including the CARE Act that bears his name and how much the disease has changed for children ("Children in America are seldom born with the virus, and they no longer contract it through transfusions"), it is clear how far we've come and what a difference Ryan himself made.

But also:

"Ryan, when you were alive, your story sparked a national conversation about AIDS. But despite all the progress in the past 20 years, the dialogue has waned."

Some facts that Elton shares:

• "There are more than 50,000 new infections in the United States each year." From the CDC:
  "The release of the first estimates from our nation’s new HIV incidence surveillance system reveal that the HIV epidemic in the United States is—and has been—worse than previously estimated. CDC estimates that 56,300 new HIV infections occurred in the United States in 2006.
  Even though the 2006 estimate does not represent an actual increase in the annual number of new infections, but rather, a better way of estimating this number, it is a sobering reminder that the HIV/AIDS epidemic is far from over in this country. A separate CDC historical trend analysis suggests that the number of new HIV infections was never as low as the previous estimate of 40,000 new infections annually and has been roughly stable since the early 2000s." (September 2008)
  



• "In certain parts of the United States, some poor people with AIDS are still placed on waiting lists to receive treatment." As of December of last year, there are nearly 350 people in nine different states on waiting lists for AIDS Drug Assistance Programs, programs that provide HIV prescriptions for low-income patients who have little or no prescription drug coverage.



• "It would upset you that AIDS is a leading cause of death among African Americans." And not just a leading cause of death. In fact, it is THE leading cause of death for African-American women between the ages of 25 and 44, and the infection rate of those women is growing faster than any other group.

In addition, in November of 2009, the World Heath Organization announced that HIV/AIDS is now the leading cause of disease and death among women of childbearing age (15-44) worldwide. That's huge news, isn't it? Something you'd expect to hear about? Not only was it barely covered in the mainstream media, it was conspicuously absent from the internet and blogs, too. Even a blog like Jezebel, which positions itself as a feminist view of pop culture, fashion and sex, buried this major piece of information. Consider the following: More than 200,000 people in this country don't know their HIV-positive status. Half of new infections are believed to be among people under 25. I don't have specific demographic information, but I've read Jezebel daily for years, and I am aware that their readership skews young - readers in their 20s - and female. And yet, they decided to put this information smack in between two cutesy bits about animals in their links roundup Leftovers. Maybe because Lady Gaga's makeup wasn't involved?

I was going to start this final paragraph by saying that I'm not trying to lecture you, but you know what? I am. (Turns out the bossiness isn't easy to turn off.) We are woefully complacent about HIV, especially in this country, and there is still so much work to do. So get educated, get tested, and stay safe. And if lipstick will help? Have at it.

Get Educated
The Body
Smart + Strong
AIDS Alliance for Children, Youth and Families
AIDSinfo
AIDS.gov
Ryan's Story

Get Tested
HIV Testing 101
GYT Now
National HIV and STD Resources

Don't Be Afraid of Baking a Cake from Scratch

Second in an occasional series to lessen your fear of cooking

I know so many people who are terrified of baking anything from scratch, and only make cake from mixes, or biscuits from the Bisquick box or from a can. But I am here to tell you not to be afraid! Really, I promise, baking a cake from scratch is not that much more complicated or difficult than using a mix, and they taste so great. That sense of accomplishment, and the oohs and ahhs and mmmmms that you'll get when you bring that beautiful cake to the table and people dig in are enough to conquer those fears. Most cake mix recipes have you add an egg or two and some oil to the dry mixture, right? Well there are some simple cake recipes that are almost just as easy -- the dry mixture might consist of flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt, but that takes just a few minutes to get together, and you are often just adding eggs and oil to that, and sometimes another liquid. I swear, that can be it, and then you get to brag to people about your cake baking skills and listen to them rave about how good it is.

Here are a few quick things to remember when baking a cake from scratch:

1. As with the egg whites, it helps to have all of your ingredients at room temperature when you start out. If they're not at room temperature, and you're in a hurry, don't try to warm them up too fast (like in the microwave). For eggs, just put them (uncracked) in a bowl of warm water while you're getting your other ingredients together. For butter, cutting it up into small pieces will help it to soften in just a few minutes.
2. Pay attention to what the recipe says about the size of the pan, and how many pans to use. Once when I was twelve, I was making our favorite family recipe chocolate cake: it called for three cake pans, but I could only find two, so all of the batter was divided between two pans, and not three. When I checked on the cake midway through the baking and noticed that there was a volcano of batter streaming out of the pans onto the oven floor, I realized my mistake. Don't be like me!
3. Don't get baking powder and baking soda confused!
4. Don't overmix the cake; when mixing, you want the ingredients to be just combined enough so that no individual ingredient is distinguishable, but stop as soon as you get to that point.
5. To get even and flat cake layers (helpful when you want to frost the cake), after you fill the pans, rap each pan on the counter firmly -- that will release any air bubbles, and will keep the cake from having a big dome top. You can also buy some of these cake strips (available at most cooking stores and stores where they have cake decorating supplies), and they are like magic for an evenly baked cake for a nice flat top.
6. Parchment paper is your friend! Let me tell you, it is so much easier to do almost anything related to baking when you use parchment paper. Just put a little butter in the cake pans to start, then cut a circle of the parchment bigger than you think that you'll need. Fold the circle into a quarter, and put the point of the circle in the middle of the pan, and then fold back the circle where you need to trim the edge off. Unfold, and put the paper circle in the middle, and put a little more oil or butter on top to make it lay flat. Your cakes will be forever easier to take out of the pan.
7. Buttermilk makes for a great cake, so if you see a recipe that has that as an ingredient, let your eyes perk up a little. You can make a buttermilk substitute in a pinch by adding vinegar or lemon juice to milk, just a tablespoon per cup, and let it sit for about five minutes.
   
8. Frosting the cake: It is much much easier to frost a cake once it has cooled all the way, and it is even easier if you do a light layer of frosting all over the cake, then pop it into the fridge to let it chill, and then finish the frosting job (this is called a crumb coat). But honestly, if you don't have time for that, your cake is going to taste just as good even if it looks a little more, let's call it "rustic" shall we? Just make sure it cools, because otherwise you'll pull off chunks of cake as you try to frost, and that's no fun.

But honestly, even if you forget most of these things, you can still turn out a good homemade cake. The second and third points are the most important of that list; if you use straight from the fridge ingredients, have no parchment paper, stir up the cake willy-nilly, and you don't have time to cool it all the way before frosting it, it'll still taste good (for the latter instance, just use a glaze, it's much more forgiving, or even better, make a cake that you can just dust powdered sugar over and call it a day).

Here are a few good recipes for easy, practically no fail cakes:

Double Chocolate Cake

This is based on the double chocolate layer cake from Epicurious, but I've made a few changes to the recipe that make it a little easier, the biggest of which is to convert it from 10 inch cake pans (which most people don't readily have on hand) to 8 inch cake pans.

Ingredients:

• 2 ounces semi sweet or bittersweet chocolate
• 1 cup hot brewed coffee (if you have no coffee on hand, just use hot water)
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (not Dutch process)
• 1 1/3 teaspoons baking soda
• 2/3 teaspoon baking powder
• 3/4 teaspoons salt
• 2 large eggs
• 1/2 cup vegetable oil
• 1 cup well-shaken buttermilk
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Preheat oven to 300°F, grease pans, and line with parchment as discussed above.

Finely chop chocolate and in a bowl combine with hot coffee or water. Let mixture stand, stirring occasionally, until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth.

Into a large bowl sift together sugar, flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. In another large bowl with an electric mixer beat eggs until thickened slightly and lemon colored: about 3 minutes with a standing mixer, 5 minutes with a hand-held mixer, or 8 by hand. Slowly add oil, buttermilk, vanilla, and melted chocolate mixture to eggs, beating until combined well. Add sugar mixture and beat on medium speed until just combined well. Divide batter between pans and bake in middle of oven until a tester inserted in center comes out clean, 35 to 45 minutes.

Cool layers completely in pans on racks. Run a thin knife around edges of pans and invert layers onto racks. Carefully remove wax paper and cool layers completely. Cake layers may be made 1 day ahead and kept, wrapped well in plastic wrap, at room temperature.

Frost with your favorite chocolate frosting recipe, or the recipe in the linked recipe (or if you run out of steam for making frosting, I don't want to push you, just go with frosting from a can for now!)

Dense Chocolate Loaf Cake
This recipe is from the Domestic Goddess herself, Nigella Lawson, and it is easy and delicious, and it is one of those wonderful cakes where frosting it is not necessary.

• 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
• 2/3 cups dark brown sugar
• 2 large eggs, beaten
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted
• 1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons boiling water

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F, put in a baking sheet in case of sticky drips later, and grease and line the 9x5 inch loaf pan with parchment paper (don't forget the parchment here, it's a very wet cake so you'll need it).

Combine the flour and baking soda in a small bowl, set aside. Beat the butter and sugar together, either with a wooden spoon or with an electric hand-held mixer, then add the eggs and vanilla, beating in well. Next, fold in the melted and now slightly cooled chocolate, blending it in gently and not beating hard. Then gently add the flour and baking soda mixture, alternately spoon by spoon, with the boiling water until you have a smooth fairly liquid batter. Pour into the lined loaf pan, and bake for 30 minutes. Turn the oven down to 325 degrees F and continue to cook for another 15 minutes. The cake will still be a bit squidgy inside (don't you love Nigella?), so an inserted cake tester or skewer won't come out completely clean.

Place the loaf pan on a rack, and leave to get completely cold before turning it out. Don't worry if it sinks in the middle: indeed, it will do so because it's such a dense and damp cake. Dust with powdered sugar, or don't worry about it, and slice and serve with whipped cream or ice cream.

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See, those didn't look that hard, now did they? The next time you reach for that box mix, don't do it! Think of these recipes and dozens of other easy ones, and bake it from scratch!

Getting more ambitious? Here are some fantastic tips about making and frosting layer cakes.

Don't Ruin Your Rep, Reality Stars!

(Image via TLO)

Another season of Project Runway has (relatively boringly) come to an end. And with the end of a season of a competitive reality show come the inevitable reunion shows and the interviews with the contestants. Unfortunately, this also tends to be the time when reality show stars feel the need to stick their feet in their mouths. Sometimes that's fine - when Richard Hatch convienently forgot to pay taxes on his million dollar prize, none of us was especially surprised. And of course, "I wasn't there to make friends" is the supreme cliche of reality TV at this point, so that's just white noise. Plus, we tend to be able to forgive a lot when the show is running - the exhaustion, the editing, the totally bizarre environments of these shows...I'm not sure that Mother Teresa would necessarily be a fan fave.

But what about people who have come off pretty well on the show? In this post-season of Project Runway alone, we've got two really great examples of this. First, Jay Nicolas Sario was the last designer eliminated before Bryant Park. He showed a gorgeous collection in the tents and came off pretty low-key on the show. Alas, he then spent the reunion talking shit about a model that he had never even worked with, telling her that she's the reason he "won't hire models with bad teeth and big legs." Not to mention some unfortunate misogyny and just straight-up rudeness in post-show interviews. Classy, kid.

And what about Anthony Williams, also from this season of PR? He was far and away the fan favorite of the year, and when he was able to come back after his elimination to replace a designer that had quit, the internets - including us - rejoiced. Unfortunately for all involved, once he got eliminated a second time, he decided to put our love to the test, by giving an interview with EW that included soundbites about how you shouldn't listen to Tim Gunn. That's just a start, and doesn't include the bits about ignoring the blogs (uh-oh) and his not-very-apologetic apology to Mila on the reunion. (Although, I have to be honest - I'm totally stealing his "I can't give her a kidney" line, because I am just that bitchy.)

Survivor is also rife with these examples. I mean, take the adorable Elisabeth Filarski from seaon two, Australia. She had the super-cute pigtails, the self-made immunity headdress that she brought as her luxury item, and her sunny and charming personality - she wasn't the last person left on her tribe (finishing fourth overall) by accident. But now? Elisabeth Filarski has morphed into Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the slightly crazy and definitely shrill right-wing-representation on morning chatfest The View.

And speaking of Survivor winners pissing away America's Goodwill, I'm not sure anyone can even begin to live up to Brian Heidik, who did porn, went on Survivor, won the hearts of viewers and a million dollars, went home and SHOT A PUPPY. WITH A BOW AND ARROW. There's really not much more to say after that.

Rob and Amber, who you probably know from Survivors: Australia, Marquesas and All-Stars, as well as The Amazing Race 7, are on another end of this spectrum. While some of us love them (I definitely watched their 2-hour special about their wedding), many more of us love to hate them and their dumbassery on reality television. But have you noticed? Away from TV, these two are refreshingly low-key. I mean, did you even know that they had a baby almost a year ago? Probably not, and you know why? They're not selling EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS! to Us Magazine, giving infuriating (or even charming) interviews, or any of the rest of it. Yes, Rob just did Survivor: Heroes vs. Villans, but when he got eliminated, away he went.

And then, of course, there's Jon Gosselin, the King of this post. Jon is someone who had all the sympathy coming out of his marriage and his show. According to the internet message boards and the tabloids, Kate was the unreasonable, OCD shrew who had browbeaten this wonderful guy into an emasculated and unhappy shell of the man he once was. And we all know how that one ended up: in a cloud of blonde rebound girls, new vehicles and Ed Hardy. He turned the tables on himself completely, and suddenly found himself on the opposite end of all those exclamation-pointed headlines. Of course, Dancing With The Stars hasn't exactly helped Kate's image much, so...let's all take up a collection for the kids' therapy and proceed to ignore their parents, shall we?

Basically, this entire post is a plea to our current favorite reality star, the hilarious and charming Chad OchoCinco. We love his enthusiasm, his flirting with Cheryl, his name change, his celebrating, his enjoyment of McDonald's, his friendship with Erin Andrews and, most especially, his fantastically delightful Twitter, wherein he lays out his requirements for a relationship (McDonald's, weekly mani-pedis, and time to play Call of Duty), asks Oprah out on dates, and has long and thoughtful discussions with his followers about successful women. Who knew we could get all that from a silly football player who spends the off-season on Dancing With The Stars? And so we hope that Chad, once his days of dancing are over and he starts giving interviews about his experience on the show, will stop, think about how so many of us adore him, and not piss away this country's goodwill. Of course, I've never gotten the impression that he is anything less than totally psyched about DWTS, so I'm not too terribly concerned, but still...don't fuck it up, Chad!

Don't Try So Hard, Zoe Saldana

There are a lot of things I like about Zoe Saldana. Her acting, first and foremost. Granted, neither Pirates of the Caribbean nor Star Trek are exactly Oscar-worthy dramas, but they are two of my favorite films, and I enjoy her performance in both. (I didn't see Avatar. Yes, I know I'm the only one in the Western Hemisphere. But I heard she was good.)

She has fantastic fashion sense too, the muppet she wore to The Oscars notwithstanding. She looked super-cute on The Daily Show and here she is at The Losers premiere looking characteristically sharp.

But as you may have noticed, this post is not titled Rock On, Zoe Saldana. That's because I feel like whenever I read a quote from her, it either starts out okay and then tips over into Wait, what? or it just makes no sense to begin with. I suspect that in her desire to supply provocative quotes to go along with her current status as Hollywood's It Girl, she's just going a little too far. Or maybe, like my mother-in-law, she simply doesn't listen to the words coming out of her mouth.

A sampling:

“I’ve never really been that feminine. Look in my closet and you’ll see things that are elegant, sexy, tomboyish, sophisticated, beautiful, aggressive. It’s harsh. It’s a lot of black. Pretty is the last word you would think of. Sometimes, I have to give myself permission to be pretty.” (Source)

So...clothes that are elegant, sexy, tomboyish, sophisticated, beautiful, aggressive, or black aren't pretty? And I can't even mock the "permission to be pretty" bit, because I honestly have no idea what she's talking about. Let's move on to another quote on the same theme:

"I have a very strong character and I like to be challenged. Men's clothing makes me feel empowered so I often wear a man's suit. Sometimes I think I should have been born a guy! I wear black a lot and I like solid colors. Like me, they're independent, bold and decisive." (Source)

I guess if she'd been born a guy she could wear men's suits more often? Maybe? I have no idea. Also, I have an independent couch, bold tea pot, and decisive bed skirt. I like assigning random adjectives to things. It's fun.

So what have we learned? That Zoe Saldana is not feminine. Just to hammer home the point:

“I love acting with men. I tend to gravitate toward roles in movies where I get to be the only girl.” (Source)

She is all about men. Men, men, men! Her treehouse has a "No Girlz Allowed" sign. Vaginas = icky. Now let's move on to her feelings on social issues:

On sex: “Love it, love it, love it-can’t live without it! I love sex. I love skin. I don’t believe the body is something to hide. I think in American society we’re messing up our kids by taking away the education on and awareness of our sexuality and replacing it with violence, guns and video games-and we’re breeding little criminals.” (Source)

I also enjoy sex. I would gladly trade the gratuitous violence in movies for gratuitous sex. But I'm not entirely sure lack of sex ed is a leading cause of gang violence. Plus, this quote comes from a woman starring in a movie where she blows shit up with a rocket launcher. I don't know that she's in any position to be condemning violence in American society.

Here she is talking about the furor over Vanity Fair's all-white "Young Hollywood" cover:

“I feel like we can spend a lot of time bashing our beautiful country, but we don’t give it enough credit." ... The actress explained that though the magazine might not be the best representation of Hollywood, she’s hopeful the media will catch up with the reality of what constitutes the fabric of the country. “Our pace might be a little slow and it might not be on par to how we, as American civilians, would like it to be, but it is still an amazing country,” Zoe continued. “So, when I look at magazines like Vanity Fair and Vogue, I know that it’s just a matter of time, the same way Obama took his time and he got to office and became President… it’s just a matter of time until magazines, the media, our art, our culture, our colloquial lifestyle, tags along to our today reality.” (Source)

Yeah, your guess is as good as mine. Here are her ideas about roles for women:

Zoe also credits Angelina [Jolie], Salma Hayek and Halle Berry for opening up more options to female actresses. "Before them, women were just sex pots or mothers. They were never the heroes who saved the day. They've enabled a generation of actresses to have a bigger variety of roles. If I wanted to be part of a story that is amazing and had a lot of sexual openness, that's fine. But I am so grateful to know that, like them, I can open different doors for women." (Source)

I guess she never saw Alien? Or, if we're talking about movies where women aren't "just sex pots or mothers," Heathers, The Manchurian Candidate, Arsenic and Old Lace, Notorious, and The Philadelphia Story? And that's just the ones in my DVD collection! I bet there are at least, like, ten more.

Let's close things out with the only Zoe quote that actually annoys me:

You're playing a black ops soldier in the adaptation of the graphic novel The Losers, out in April. Do you enjoy roles that require you to run around and shoot a gun?
"Like you wouldn't believe. It turns me on in a way that I shouldn't be saying. It's not the guns that turn me on, though--it's seeing women in a commanding position. It's boring to always play the victim. [In sobbing victim's voice] "Rape me! I'll have your child!" Eff that! Why don't you have my baby and wait at home while I go kill some motherfuckers? It's just very empowering. [Laughs.]" (Source)

I have a baby. Until I had a baby, I would have told you that I had no desire to "go kill some motherfuckers." Now, pedestrians who so much as look at me and my kid wrong are in danger of getting their heads ripped off. The idea that men = asskickers and women = victims and weaklings makes me want to punch someone. Possibly Zoe Saldana.

Don't Wear White Tights

Because they make you look like a little girl, give you stumpy legs, make your shoes look terrible, are ugly, and make Roxy cry.

(It was also nearly 70 degrees the day I snapped this picture. There was no reason on earth to be wearing tights at all, nevermind white ones.)

Don't Ban Books

I was going to save this post for Banned Books week but a few things that I read this last week infuriated me, and I couldn't wait until September. And you know, I think that we need more than a once a year reminder about this. First the ALA announced their list of this year's most banned books, which had some surprising titles. And then I read the story of some women in Florida who basically want to preemptively ban all of the books in the library of the whole COUNTY. To all of this, I have one very simple thing to say: Don't ban books.

As I have already documented here, I love books and reading. When I was a little kid, I was an incredibly voracious reader. My parents were both in graduate school when I was little, so we had books all over our house. I learned to read at age three, so I grew up with the perspective that reading was just what you did with your leisure time. My reading level was consistently years above my age, so books geared at kids my age were always too easy and boring for me. Therefore, I usually read books that were the perfect level of difficulty and complexity for me, but the topics were often a few years above me in maturity level. There are times when I've reread some of the books that I loved as a kid and realize that there are entire plotlines that went way over my head because I was too young for them (for instance, House Like a Lotus by Madeleine L'Engle is one of my favorite books in the world, but wow did I miss a lot in those first ten or so readings). My parents never forbade me to read books that were too old for me, or that might have themes about drugs, or sex, or abuse. Instead, my mom just read books along with me.

Any books that my mom had the slightest question about, she would read as soon as I finished it. I thought that we were just sharing books, and we were, but she was also checking up on what I was reading. My tricky mother, I only realized when I was in my twenties that this wasn't just a fun mom and daughter book club. In that way, I felt like I had all of the freedom in the world to read whatever I wanted, and I also felt free to talk to my mom about whatever I was reading and whatever upsetting or confusing issues raised therein because I knew that she was reading the books too. Not only did this lead to great communication between me and my mom, it made it much easier for me to bring up difficult topics with my mom, because it is so much easier for a pre-teen to talk about hard things in the context of a fictional world than the context of real life. It also, not coincidentally, lead to a lifetime of my mother and I sharing books and handing them off to one another, and she's still the first person I call when I finish a book that I love so that I can insist that she read it too.

And let's talk about some of those books on the most banned list. Twilight? Really? Twilight has many problems, but being sexually explicit is just not one of them. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is an absolutely wonderful book that has [SPOILER ALERT] molestation as a key plot point -- isn't it important for kids to learn about that, and to know that they should be able to talk to their parents or someone else about it? [END SPOILERS] And really, penguins? A true story about two male penguins that became a couple? To Kill a Mockingbird has been challenged because there's racism in it, which seems to be missing the whole point about the reason that kids should read this book. There are plenty of trashy books that are full of sex, drugs, violence, and racism but there is also a lot of great literature full of all of those topics, and I'm so glad that my parents never barred me from reading any of it

Instead of the fantastic and thoughtful parenting employed by my parents, the parents in that Florida county would prefer to be the kind of parents who don't want to engage with their children at all. So instead of sitting down and talking to them about sex, or drug use, or creepy sparkling stalkery vampires, the parents choose to just slap a warning label on the books so that they can make sure that their kids, and the kids of lots of other parents are never faced with those issues, and therefore never even learn about sex and drugs and creepy stalking sparkly vampires.

But we all know that that's not what happens. Teenagers will always learn about drugs and sex (okay, maybe not the vampires). And there is nothing more enticing to all of us than the forbidden -- the more their parents tell them that they're not allowed to read something, or see something, or do something, the more teens will want to do it. I am not saying that the good move is to tell your teens to go out and use drugs and have sex and get together with those vampires, but trying to keep them from even learning that any of those things exist will make them all the more exciting. I had read plenty of books that had drugs and sex as part of the plotlines by the time that I was in high school, and what those books taught me was that none of those things was a bed of roses, and that I really didn't want to deal with all of that stress when just being a fourteen year old was hard enough. Are all teenagers going to make the same choices that I did? No, but I would prefer that they at least had all of the information available to them in order to make the choice that is the correct one for them.

Those parents in Florida, and all other people who want to ban or otherwise restrict books really just need to stop and think about how education is the best thing for all of us, and how they should be trying to broaden their childrens' minds, and not limit them. And then don't ban books.

Tuesday Quickies: Teething Edition

I had a theme for this week, but I'm sleep deprived and I never get my shit together to find ten links for it. Yes, that's right: I am too tired to surf the web. So have some things from my bookmarks that have made me giggle.

Don't try to steal this dude's iPhone:
Chased Down a Thief Today (Localocracy)

Don't forget--Vajazzling still exists:
Sexist Beatdown: Vajazzling, and its Inevitable Male Counterpart, Dickerating (Washington City Paper)

Don't forget to turn off the lensflare machine:
Star Trek: How It Should Have Ended (HISHE)

Don't read this somewhere you can't laugh out loud:
The Alot is better than you at everything (Hyperbole and a Half)

Don't expect the usual relationship advice from someone named 'Mann Landers':
The Mann Landers Column

Don't send these cards to relatives who don't understand the young people's humor:
Foxy Blunt

Don't declare yourself King of the Geeks until you take this quiz along with John Hodgman and Patton Oswalt:
Science Fiction Trivia Challenge (WFMU)

I don't believe there's a town named "Fingringhoe." They must have made that up.
Britain's Rudest Place Names (The Telegraph)

Don't buy a jetpack for $90,000. Wait for it to go on sale.
Safe and Affordable Jetpack: Just $90,000 (Wired)

From the wayback machine: "I don't think this internet thing will catch on."
Why the Web Won't Be Nirvana (Newsweek)

Don't Threaten To Murder Me

Mrs. White: He had threatened to kill me in public.
Miss Scarlet: Why would he want to kill you in public?
Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
Miss Scarlet: Oh.

A few days later, I can be blase about this, but on Friday? Less so.

Remember when we asked you to do (or rather, not do) this? That goes double for those of you out there who are angry racists who object to having the children on the bus pointed out to you when you are loudly and profanely disparaging an entire culture of people. I'm pretty sure that then turning your angry racism on me, calling me all manner of colorful and derogatory terms, and telling me just exactly how hard you're going to kick my ass and how much you want me to die, qualifies as Being An Asshole On Public Transportation. Knock it off.

But hey! Don't let this put you off public transport, dear Reader. In all my years of bus-riding - many of them spent on that exact route, my city's most...exciting - that was the first experience like that I've had. One angry racist isn't going to keep me from taking advantage of the public transportation system that my city has spent time and money to build and keep relevant, and it shouldn't intimidate you, either. But the next time someone is spouting crazy, I will probably stop, think, and keep my nose in my book.

Don't Click On This Link

Oh, you're thinking, this one of those reverse psychology things, right? She actually wants me to click the link.

No! I don't! I mean, look at the title:

Just Discovered: A Leech With Giant Teeth That Lives In Your Nose

A leech. With giant teeth. That LIVES IN YOUR NOSE.

A short scene:

Daisy: Clicks Ew. EW. EEEEEWWWWW. WHY DID AM I READING THIS?
Mr. Razor: What? Looks OH GOD, WHY ARE YOU READING THAT?
Daisy: I don't know!
Mr. Razor: Go back! Go back!

I'm not kidding. It's disgusting. And disturbing. Don't look.

Happy Friday, all!