Don't Take Trash Talk Personally. Take Two.

This was originally posted at the end of the Olympics, but it's been a crazy week over here at Don't Do That, so we're taking a look back to March. At that point, the three of us had spent two weeks immersing ourselves in sports that we totally did not understand - much like what we've done over the last month or so of the World Cup - and had also been doing some trash talk. If you're not a regular sports fan, this may come as a shock to you, and so we are here to tell you, if you're going to remain a sports fan outside of the feel-good-ness of global events like the Olympic Games and the World Cup, Don't Take Trash Personally

Back in March, we were - okay fine, I was - involved in a bit of an internet kerfuffle. To start with, emotions were already running high and there was some shit-talking going on (on both sides) about that USA - Canada gold medal hockey game. Some of the problem was that a few of the people involved in the conversations clearly weren't used to being on A Side in a sporting contest and were a bit taken aback by all the partisan noise. A hint for those folks? Cheering for your team and against their opponent is not bad sportsmanship. It's part of loving sports and, if you want to get all Olympic or World Cup about it, part of loving your country. And if you're going to love sports, you have to develop a thicker skin.

(Note: This is taking it a tad too far.)

Here's an example. I don't know where you're reading from, but if you're anywhere in the Midwest, you likely understand a little bit of the hatred between Wisconsin and Minnesota, specifically the University of Wisconsin Badgers and the University of Minnesota Gophers. I happened to go to my first Gopher hockey game at two months old, own a button that says "I Cheer For Minnesota And Anyone Playing Wisconsin," and my dad told my sister and I that we could attend college - which he would pay for - anywhere. Except Wisconsin, upon penalty of death and financial ruin. Even adding my name to the mailing list - jokingly - would have likely given my dear father heart failure. (As it was, he ended up with heart failure five years later, but I don't think it can be blamed on Wisconsin. If it could, it would be, trust me.) However! My grandparents, who I love fiercely, met while students at Wisconsin and my grandpa (who is almost 87) remains a Badger - and Packer, God forbid - fan. We talk shit to each other all the time - as much as you can talk shit with a grandparent, of course - but we don't take it seriously or personally. In fact, when I asked at Thanksgiving if my grandfather had a sweatshirt I could borrow, he gleefully told me he had "just the one!" and pulled out his red and grey Wisconsin hoodie.

But Roxy, you say. That is a family member! Of course you guys can tease each other with no hurt feelings! And that is true. But it's also true that, when Daisy told her Yankee-fan best friend that she was thinking of getting married at Fenway Park, her friend told her that was great, but that she was going to wear a pinstripe dress. And it's true that Brownie and a friend got into it when her team (Niners!) beat his in the playoffs, but that was many playoff seasons ago, and they're still pals. One of my best friends cheers for a different Big Ten school than I do, but since they suck at the sport I care about, and because my school sucks at the sports she cares about, it's generally not too big a deal. I have family members that are die-hard Cubs and Bears fans (I heart the Twins and the Vikings, but please don't ask me about Brett Favre), best friends who are Blackhawks fans, and a husband who lives and dies with the Broncos.

But when you're a fan of a team whose coach gets caught on camera making this gesture at the officials (if that's the coach, just imagine the players), a team whose linebacker gave his own tight end brain damage and crushed his eye socket (and that's just the beginning of that particular rap sheet), or even a team that is just obnoxious in all its "glory", you should probably be prepared to have some vitirol thrown at you. And really? Throw some back! I would be shocked and even disappointed if I was spouting my mouth off to Badger - or Sioux or Packer or Canadian hockey - fan and they didn't spout back with cracks about my team's goofy name, our inconsistency, the Mullet, or whatever other shit people are saying about Minnesota teams these days. (But hey, at least we can take some smack talk. Wisconsin.)

Just because we're not on the same side during the game doesn't mean that we hate each other as people. We can respect each other as fans, without loving - or even respecting - the team that the other person cheers for. That's part of the fun of loving sports! You can get overly emotional, hyperbolic and melodramatic about something that has nothing to do with you and that you have no control over. It's a wonderful respite from the real world, but only if you are able to tell yourself that at the end of the day, it's just a game - for you and for the fans on the other side of the field.

So if you've found a team that you've decided to follow (I recommend the Gophers, of course) but if in a week or a month or this weekend, depending on how the rest of the World Cup goes for you - you find yourself getting your feelings hurt by someone who's pointing out the cheap hits or crappy goaltending or nepotism of your team, just stop, think about what keeps you a fan of this team, and don't take it personally. (And talk some smack back!)

Don't Question My Love for Sports

As you can see from our recent posts, we here at Don't Do That have gotten very into the World Cup, even though our beloved USA team went down to defeat by the better defense and better acting abilities of the Ghana team. We love it for the constant action, the crazy athletic abilities involved in running around a field continuously for 90 minutes with one short break, for the amazing goals and often even more amazing saves, and the crazy personalities involved. Currently, a popular feminist blog is running a World Cup feature that's all about how hot the players are, which is pretty much their sole discussion about the World Cup. Do we think that the players are hot? Oh, yes we do. Do we like it when they take their shirts off at the end of a match? Oh, we like that too! Is that why we watch the World Cup, or any other soccer game? No.

I've been watching football (the American version) since I was a little kid. I distinctly remember The Catch, I lost my voice yelling at the TV during a number of tight games, and I stood up and made the touchdown sign as the sole 49er fan in a Washington D.C. sports bar during the amazing Young to Owens moment during the playoffs (and still have kind of fond feelings towards Terrell Owens because of that, despite all of his crazy). I love sports for the amazing moments like those, the breakaway runs, the insane interceptions run back for touchdowns, the unpredictability, and the crazy personalities.

Sports has brought us Chad OchoCinco and his delightful twitter feed, that crazy 10+ hour long tennis match at Wimbledon last week, and the hilarious live blog that went along with it, the Miracle on Ice, and that completely impossible and unbelievable comeback by the Red Sox in 2004.

At awkward family moments, instead of talking about the weather, we talk about sports. My uncles and cousins and I argue 49ers vs. Raiders, my mom gets outraged every time a field goal kicker misses a kick and insists that she could do it better, my best friend's husband (who has very different political views than I do) and I bond over the NFL draft, our fantasy football teams, and how much we despise Ben Roethlisberger. I have met so many strangers in the past few weeks as we crowd around TVs at lunchtime and during coffee breaks to watch the World Cup, I high fived people on the street after the US victory last week, and I've had long conversations with random people in bars that started with "What's the score?"

Sports is pure fun (when it's not pure misery), it's built from incredible athleticism, and bold and distinct personalities, and it has this way of bringing people together. If you question that? Just watch the video below. Sports, we love you, in all of your forms, and for so many reasons.

Tuesday Quickies: We Love Sports edition

Don't think this makes the Yankees any less lame. The Yankees had a mascot...for three seasons.

Don't leave your lipgloss at home when you go to a game, you never know what can happen. The Mariners bullpen catcher marries a woman he saw in the stands. Awwww!

Don't diss the vuvuzela. Classical music on a vuvuzela.

Don't forget that athletes can actually be amazing human beings. Great story about Didier Drogba.

Athletes as amazing human beings, part two: Mourning Manute Bol.

Don't hesitate to buy your phone at at thrift store, you never know what you might find: Man buys old phone filled with athletes numbers.

Don't love Benny? You will now: Mmmmmmm, Benny Feilhaber.

Don't pause this video if you don't want to crack up: Benny lip-syncs Jordan Sparks.

Don't forget that "nude" clothing comes in lots of colors: Venus Williams at the US Open.

Don't think that women can't do crazy stunts too: Seven women daredevils through history.

Don't Taunt Us

We're all a little sad here at Don't Do That headquarters after the USA loss to Ghana on Saturday. That said, we're all about our love of sports this week, so stay tuned for posts all week about how sports are awesome. And Ghana fans, don't even start with us right now.

Don't Be THAT Music Fan

I love music. Some of the music I love is great and some of it is cheerfully terrible. Some of it is better than you think it is (seriously, Miley Cyrus does have some redeeming musical qualities, and I know you think Hanson are just those weird kids from "MmmBop," but they're actually fantastic musicians - and hilarious, it turns out), and some of it is just as mindless and bad as it seems (Ke$ha, anyone?). I'm not hard to please, though, and when someone puts out music that I like, I tend to stick with them and see what comes next. I figure if they've gotten my attention, I can trust them enough to hang around for a bit.

This has paid off in dividends for me. I've gotten to get to know some wonderful artists and have been able to be genuinely surprised and pleased by the way that creativity evolves over the course of people's careers. Even someone like Cyndi Lauper, who I've been listening to since I was about four, managed to surprise me this month by putting out a blues album.

Am I weird? Am I the only one who appreciates change in the musicians that I listen to? Because the last few weeks, I've heard a lot of bitching about the new Christina Aguilera album, which is just the most recent example of this. Lots of, "But I LOOOOOOVED Back To Basics! She should have stuck with that!" I mean, y'all. That was four years ago. Four years ago, Christina was a newly-married 25-year-old. She's now been married almost five years and has a toddler. Her life has changed - why is it not okay that her music has changed? Were people this pissy when Back To Basics came out, four years and lightning years away from Stripped? I don't think so, and I'm not quite sure why. Is it because her Back To Basics "image" was so much less threatening? Are we burned out on blondes with great voices making electro-dance pop? Or do we just want to keep her in a nice little easy compartment where she makes sense and isn't challenging? Because I don't think we have a lot of room to say, "But it's so NOT HER." How on earth do we know that?

Is this a female thing? People complain all the time about how much Muse sucks now that they've gotten popular - without mentioning the fact that they've made the exact same album five times. (As Daisy says, "I mean, I like that album, but it's not like the quality can go down when it's the same thing every time.") Matt Nathanson makes the same album over and over, and I'm pretty sure that the last Dave Matthews Band studio album sounds just like their studio albums from the late 90s.

I just finished reading (for the second time) the book Girls Like Us, which chronicles the lives and careers of Carole King, Joni Mitchell and Carly Simon (it's fascinating and I highly recommend it). Even Carole King, who had a much more brilliant songwriting career than most of us realize, has spent the forty years following the release of Tapestry dealing with the fact that she's apparently supposed make...another one. Isn't that boring? Wouldn't we be BORED by another Tapestry? I'll take the Really Rosie soundtrack over a warmed-over Tapestry attempt any day, and stick with the original Tapestry, thank you very much.

(And yes, I realize that I'm leaving out the most obvious example of them all - Her Madgesty, Madonna. But there is so much to be said about her, and so many ways her career can be analyzed, that that's a post all by itself.)

So the next time you decide to throw a fit when a musician that you like makes a new album that sounds different than her last one? Just stop, think about how even-more-awesome Ani DiFranco got when she started writing about falling in love...with a dude (Dilate, anyone?), and don't forget to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Don't Question my Patriotism: USA USA USA

I really really really hate getting up in the morning, as anyone who has ever known me or been my roommate will be able to tell you. I live on the West Coast, where World Cup games start at 4:30 am. The USA game going on right now started at 7, which is 30 minutes before my alarm goes off, and 45 minutes before I actually ever get out of bed. Also, it will end at approximately the time I should be arriving at work, which is about 35 minutes away. And yet, I pulled myself out of bed when my alarm went off today at 6:55, and am now sitting anxious on the couch yelling at the ref for that BULLSHIT call just now. And I will likely be late to work, because this damn game is stressful. But that is because I love America, so suck it, Sarah Palin, those of us on the coasts are patriots too.

And I can tell that my neighbors are all watching too, since the buzz of the vuvuzela is coming from the house next door.

45 more minutes. USA USA USA!

ETA: Now with updated picture of the GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL

Don't Wear This!

So I've actually had a link to the above abomination for a while now. I was going to put it in the Quickies but figured there was no hurry, because honestly, it was so ridiculous that any horror over it would be purely academic. No one was actually going to wear something called half-pants, right?

Right?

Well, apparently I need to stop underestimating the bad taste of the masses, because I saw a woman wearing those suckers last week. Unfortunately, I was on the bus and didn't get a picture, so you'll just have to take my word for it. They had the miniscule improvement of being all black instead of multi-patterned, but were otherwise very clearly a terrifying shorts-pants hybrid.

I immediately emailed Brownie and Roxie with the question, "This is a sign of the apocalypse, right?"

Roxie responded, "At what point do 'Signs of the Apocalypse' just become THE APOCALYPSE? Because I think we're there."

That's right: forget the earthquakes, tornados and that pesky catastrophic oil spill. This unholy alliance of two forms of legwear is the true beginning of the end times.

(Brownie's response was succinct: "OH MY GOD. DON'T DO THAT DON'T DO THAT DON'T DO THAT.")

Look, I know none of our confident and stylish regular readers are going to make this grave sartorial mistake, but people sometimes find us through keyword searches, so for those of you surfing in: Do. Not. Wear. Half. Pants. Think of the tan lines! The potential for chafing! Strangers asking if you couldn't afford the whole pair of pants! The hideous wrongness of having one leg hanging out and the other covered! Just pick shorts or pants. It's not that difficult.

Don't Miss Game Seven

By the time you read this, the NBA Champion will have been crowned. Maybe it was the team you were rooting for and maybe it wasn’t (but you were rooting for the team without the rapist, right? RIGHT?), but one thing is for sure - Game Sevens are a treat, no matter what the outcome.

I could not possibly care less about basketball. I have no use for it during the regular season, I barely pay attention to it through the playoffs, and March Madness mostly just annoys me because it gets in the way of the college playoffs that actually matter (hockey, for those of you who are new).

But all bets are off during Game Seven - I’ve been watching this game all night, banishing my husband to the basement, and the first elimination episode of So You Think You Can Dance (one of the highlights of my summer) to the Tivo. Has this game been a highlight of offensive power? No. (I maybe only know that because the commentators have told me so.) Is it SO TENSE and EXCITING here at the end? You bet.

So no matter what the sport, even if its something that you don’t give even a tiny rat’s ass about, if you’re a sports fan? Don’t miss Game 7.

Don't be afraid to make a pie

Don't be afraid to make a pie



I love pie. Just the word PIE sounds like it is full of cozy and satisfying promise. And do you know what is even better than regular pie? A pie that you made with your very own hands. So many people are afraid of making pie, but I promise you, if you keep a few techniques and tips in mind, it is not hard! And since it is now summer, the perfect time to make a fantastic fruit pie, I am here to tell you don't be afraid to make a pie! You can make something totally delicious and impressive, and everyone will be amazed that you made it all yourself, crust and all.

First, let's talk about the crust. Before talking about specific recipes, here are a few notes and techniques that you need to keep in mind before making any pie dough.

1. Give yourself enough time: making a pie crust isn't the kind of thing that you want to rush through. Actually putting together the dough takes only a little while, and just a few minutes if you have a food processor, but it is essential to give the dough time to rest and chill in the fridge after you put it together and before you try to do anything with it. If you want to test this out, try taking a little piece of your dough and try rolling it out immediately after it all comes together, and then try doing it after it has an hour in the fridge: you'll see a big difference.

2. Keep everything as cold as possible!: Start with cold (ideally frozen) butter and whatever other fat you're using, use ice water, and if you can, pop your flour in the freezer for a little while before putting everything together. You want the fat to melt in the oven (that's what makes everything nice and flaky), not before.

3. Parchment paper is your friend: If you lay down a sheet of parchment paper on top of whatever surface you're rolling on, you don't have to worry as much about the dough sticking, and you have to use less flour (though you should still use a little).

Second, let's talking about the filling. Peach pie is awesome, as is apple, but the easiest thing to start off with, especially at this time of year, is a berry pie. You can go with all of one berry (blueberry, raspberry, strawberry, blackberry, olallieberry, etc.) or you could do a mixed berry pie. The general recipe for any good berry pie is about 6 cups of berries to 1/2 cup of sugar (give or take a little sugar depending on the sweetness of the berries), the juice of half a lemon, and three tablespoons of cornstarch. Combine the berries, sugar, and lemon juice in a bowl, toss gently and let it all sit for about ten minutes. Then add in the cornstarch, toss again, and add to the pie pan. Dot the berries with butter (about 2 tablespoons, cut into little pieces) Cover up the pie and bake! For specific baking instructions (or if you're using a purchased pie dough), jump to instruction 4. below.

Now for pie dough recipes!

A traditional all butter pie crust is usually the most recommended (and here's a standard recipe for one). But honestly, I find all butter crusts to be a pain in the ass to work with; they stick to everything, they're really hard to roll out, and they just end up getting me frustrated. Don't get me wrong, I love the taste of butter (oh, I really do), but for pie crusts, the all butter dough is enough to turn a virgin pie baker away from ever making a pie again.

But I do have a perfect pie dough recipe: it comes together in a few minutes, it's easy for even a brand new baker, it rolls out like you're demonstrating on the Martha Stewart show, and it tastes great and goes with just about every kind of fruit pie you can think of. It uses a combination of butter and cream cheese, and it's fantastic. You can also use more or less this same recipe but substitute lard for the cream cheese, but that depends how into lard you are. Thanks go to Rose Levy Beranbaum for this, and an adapted version of her recipe is below (from the Pie and Pastry Bible). However, mostly now when I make it, I use her same method, but the general measurements from Michael Ruhlman's Ratio, with about two thirds butter and one third cream cheese. Ratio was a book all about measuring by weight and the right ratios of cooking: he says that a pie dough is a 3/2/1 ratio, so three parts flour, two parts fat, and one part water (use your kitchen scale for this if you have one); you generally need a little less water than that, though, so for a 1 crust 9 inch pie it's about 210 grams flour, 140 grams fat (90 butter, 50 cream cheese), and 60 grams water. Double that for a double crust pie; it usually gives me a little dough leftover, but dough leftover is better than not enough!

Flaky Cream Cheese Pie Crust

For a 9 inch crust double crust pie
12 tablespoons or 6 ounces butter
2 cups or 10 oz flour
1/4 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoons baking powder
4.5 ounces cream cheese
2 tablespoons ice water
1 tablespoons cider vinegar

1. Cut the butter into small cubes, wrap it in plastic wrap and freeze it until frozen solid, at least 30 minutes. Place the flour, salt, and baking powder in a recloseable gallon size freezer bag and freeze for at least 30 minutes. Place the flour mixture in a food processor with the metal blade and process for a few seconds to combine. Set the bag aside. If you don't have a food processor, shake the closed bag with the flour mixture in it, or you can pour it into a bowl and toss with your fingers.

2. Cut the cream cheese into a few pieces and add it to the flour. In the food processor, process for about 20 seconds or until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add the frozen butter cubes and pulse until none of the butter is larger than the size of a pea. Remove the cover and add the water and vinegar. Pulse until most of the butter the size of small peas. At this point you can either process it for a few more seconds until it all holds together, or put about half of it into a bowl, knead with your hands until it forms a ball, put that ball to the side and do the rest with the rest of the dough. Then wrap each ball with plastic wrap, flatten into two discs and refrigerate for at least 45 minutes.

3. If you don't have a food processor, whisk the dry ingredients to combine, then add the cream cheese and rub between your fingers to blend into the flour. Then spoon it with the cold butter into the freezer bag, and close it, expelling any air. Use a rolling pin to flatten the butter into thin flakes. Then put it back into a bowl and sprinkle with the water and vinegar, and toss lightly with a rubber spatula, and do the kneading from above. This dough also freezes really well, so at this point you can wrap it well, and put it in the freezer, and just pull it out and defrost in the fridge whenever you want to make pie.

4. After the dough has rested, preheat your oven to 400, roll out each half to about a 12 inch circle (you want plenty of room around the edges). To transfer the circle into your pie pan, fold it gently into fourths, then put the point of the fold in the middle of the pan, and gently unfold and press it down. At this point, cover the pan and put it back in the fridge for about 30 minutes. Then add your filling, cover up the pie with the rolled out dough of your other disc of dough, press the edges of the pie together with your fingers, cut a few slashes in the top crust to let the hot air come out, and refrigerate again for about 30 minutes. You can also do pretty things with lattice crusts at this point, which I love.

5. Then put it in your hot oven (with aluminum foil underneath to catch any drips) and bake for 25 minutes, then turn down the heat to 350 F and bake for another 40 minutes. If your crust starts getting too brown on the edges, put aluminum foil around the top to keep it from browning more. Then let it cool, and you have a beautiful pie!



You should also follow along on the Good Food blog this summer, as Evan Kleiman does the Pie A Day project again. I got a ton of ideas from all of the pies that she made last summer.

The pictures are from a rhubarb pie that I made last summer. Yay for pie!

Tuesday Quickies: Just Plain Cool Edition

Good morning! Hey, you know how baby sign language is supposed to help you communicate with your baby before she can speak? Do any of you know the sign for "Please stop waking up every two hours; Mommy's caffeine intake is reaching toxic levels?" No? Bummer.

Anyway. Enjoy some links that defy categorization.

Don't look at this if cemeteries and/or caterpillar invasions creep you out:
Not just creepy...The cemetery that has gone all crawly too (Daily Mail)

Don't worry; you're not the only one who's sad that this festival lineup will never happen:
Wyckyd Sceptre Rocks Again! (Not A Real Thing)

Don't eat the throw pillows:
Hamburger Scatter Cushions (YumSugar)

Don't deny the Beckham Face:
David Beckham's Matchface: A Gallery (Yahoo Sports)

Don't read these before your shower. You will want to scrub for days:
The Dirty Secrets of Bathtime and The Dirty Half-Dozen: Six Filthy Aristocrats (Times Online)

Don't drink any of these things:
Harmful Drinks in America (World of Mysteries)

Don't mess with Gaga. Her underwear will electrocute you:
How often do you see this backstage at a popshow? (Lady Gaga's Twitter)

Don't buy all of these awesome movie posters. Save a few for me:
Nate Black's Shop (Etsy)

Don't put off that trip to the dentist:
Why it's so hard to tell which tooth has the ache (Wired)

Don't think Betty White is the first badass grandma:
7 Most Mind-Blowing She-Daredevils in History (Environmental Graffiti)