Don'ts for the Wedding Party

Wedding Week continues! Today, some Don'ts for the bridal party.

Being part of a bridal party can be stressful, especially on your wallet. You're dropping money on a dress that you might hate, shoes that kill your feet, plus travel and hotel costs, not to mention helping to throw a shower and/or a bachelor(ette) party (but not necessarily a gift). But at the end of it, you're standing next to someone you love while they get married, right? So.

Don't tell the bride her dress is ugly.
It's one thing if you're part of her entourage when she's dress shopping, and she puts on some insanely poofy montsrosity that is so not her. At that point, give her the thumbs down and help her get out of it as fast as possible. But if she's gone through the whole Say Yes To The Dress rigamarole, paid out the nose (or not), gotten it fitted - or had it handmade by a family member, ESPECIALLY if she's had it handmade by a family member - and you still don't like it? Don't say anything! She's made her choice, she loves the dress, and hearing from you that you think it's ugly or not flattering or too sparkly or not sparkly enough or totally tacky is just going to hurt her feelings and put a big giant damper on what is supposed to be one of the best days of her life. And maybe your friendship, too. Do you really want to risk that?

Don't make it all about you.
I know, I know. Yesterday we told the bride not to go running around, hollering about how TODAY IS HER DAY! But guess what? It kind of is. What it definitely is not is your day. So don't make it all about how you look in your dress, or how badly the makeup person screwed up your eyeliner, or your own personal drama with the bride or the groom or the maid of honor or the DJ. This isn't just true on the day of the wedding, by the way. I went to a shower once where we were all asked to give the bride a piece of advice, and one of the attendees wrote basically a paragraph about how she had no advice because she wasn't married and would never get married and was going to die an old spinster. NO. THAT IS NOT OKAY.

Don't be inappropriate in your toast.
There's an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted is working on his Best Man toast for Marshall and Lily's wedding. His first draft involves, among other things, drinking all night and Marshall and Lily having sex in a bathroom. When Marshall protests, Ted sarcastically writes another toast, wherein everyone takes shots of chocolate milk and Marshall and Lily...hold hands in a bathroom. Ted thinks his point is made - that it's impossible to write a good toast when someone "censoring [you]!" What Ted eventually figures out is that it's not about censorship, it's about being able to read a room and understand the occasion. You're speaking at an event that involves college drinking buddies, true, but also the groom's great-grandmother. And the bride's born-again uncle. And probably some kids (unless they're not invited - go read Monday's post again). So don't tell that story about the happy couple meeting while they were wasted at the bar, or about the stripper from the bachelor party, or about your own colorful sexual past with one - or both! - of the newlyweds. There are a lot of really lovely sentiments you can express without needing a Viewer Advisory Warning beforehand. Even Ted eventually figured this out. And the cliche of "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" is especially valid here - if you hate your friend's new partner, just sit there and drink your wine and keep your mouth shut. A passive-aggressive toast is fun for no one.

Also, keep it short.

And so, attempting to take my own advice (hah), that will wrap it up for today. But also, read Monday's post. Yes AGAIN. All of that goes double for you, members of the bridal party - keep a lid on your liquor consumption, don't talk shit and leave the kids at home.

Tomorrow: Crafty stuff and finally, some Dos!