Don'ts for the Wedding Couple

Don't let this be you.

Welcome to the third day of Wedding week on Don't Do That! We started Monday with Don'ts for Wedding Guests, and I am here to give you Don'ts for the Wedding Couple. Though I am the unmarried member of the DDT team, I have been to many many weddings, and I will tell you from experience that the ones that are the most memorable in the bad way are because of something crazy that a member of the wedding couple (or bridal party) did.

The most important one is this: please, please, Don't get sloppy drunk. We all know why it happens, you're stressed all day, you're rushing around, you don't eat anything, and then people start handing you champagne. But a happy and nicely tipsy bride hugging everyone is one thing, a falling down drunk bride throwing up in the bathroom is another*. And your grandma doesn't need to see you and your bros icing each other and then stumbling around knocking down the ice sculpture by the end of the night. Do what you need to do -- assign one of your bridesmaids to be the one to make sure you eat at least one substantial meal before the wedding, get the caterer to put a bottle of Pellegrino at your table so that you can switch out toasts between that and champagne, have food in the limo in between the ceremony and the reception so that you can snack in peace with a big napkin over your dress and without Auntie Irma coming up to give you a hug, whatever. You just don't want everyone's memories of your wedding to be of how wasted you were.

Here's another one: Don't sweat the small stuff. Really. I know that you've been planning this for a while, but I promise, no one but you notices that the tablecloths are cream instead of the gold that they told you that they would be, or that the plates in the buffet are out of order, or that your bridesmaids toenail color clashes with her shoes. As long as you're not one of these couples, I think your wedding is going just fine.

And no matter how many people say it, Don't believe that it's YOUR day. I know, I know, when you're planning your wedding, people tell you over and over again "It's YOUR day! Do what you want!" And yes, you should have a wedding that you want and that reflects you, and not the one that your mother or mother in law wants for you. But when you use the MY DAY trope to have a rainbow wedding with your bridesmaids in all of the colors of the rainbow and then those colors assigned to different tables, down to telling the guests who will be sitting at those tables what color to wear to your wedding, you've gone too far. Remember, you're throwing a party here, and your main concern for the reception should be to make your guests comfortable and make sure they have a good time, like any other party. As Miss Manners (one of Don't Do That's heroes) says "[a] phrase you will be happier forgetting: 'It's your day.' The joining of two people involves two (or more) families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings and comfort at your peril."

That is a sentence that everyone should say over and over again while planning a wedding. Remember, it's not about how much everything costs (and please, don't tell us, we don't care), or what the pictures are like. It's about seeing all of your friends and family together to celebrate you and your new spouse's love for one another. And seeing Grandma get down on the dance floor with your new and very tall nephew to Lady Gaga. Happy Weddings, everyone!

So, dear readers, please tell us your biggest wedding couple don'ts, we're all ears.

*All stories in this post are from actual weddings. Seriously.