A Potluck of Don'ts

(Photo for the five of you who claimed to be interested in my rugs, bless your hearts.)

Well, I still have nothing to talk about besides the baby and the house. So have some miscellaneous Don'ts from my week:

• Don't comment on my baby weight then hand me a plate of brownies, MOM. (aka "The sort of shit I spend hours praying I won't do to my daughter.")

• Don't count a visit to your parents as a vacation. It really, really isn't.

• Don't try to convince me that letting me take a shower counts as watching the baby. Especially when you hand her back to me while I'm still wearing a towel.

• Don't get between the cat and a moth.

• Don't think too much about how excited you are to find a new flavor of YoBaby. It will make you feel sad about your life.

• Don't laugh at the baby when she sticks the spoon in her hair instead of her mouth.

• Don't put the margarita glasses in the yard sale box. You will start craving margaritas even though you and Jose Cuervo haven't been on speaking terms since the Great Tequila Tuesday Experience of '00.

• Don't go to the internet for advice. In this case it's something baby-related, but I once called my doctor and said, "So I was reading on the internet," and she cut me off to say, "Oh my god, DON'T DO THAT." Sorry, Dr. S. You were right; I didn't have Venezuelan Hemorrhagic Fever.

• Don't watch PBS Kids while your child is napping. It will also make you feel sad about your life. (Even though Word Girl is awesome.)

• Don't go browsing on Etsy unless you're okay with finding something you love so much you must have it immediately. (Ahem.)