Pop Culture Quasi-Quickies

Happy Friday! What a crazy week, am I right? Therefore, it's time for Quasi-Quickies - because why say just a little bit about something when you can say more? That's my motto, anyway.

Without further ado, here's a few Don'ts from this week in pop culture.

Don't Be The Lohans
I mean, where to even start? Don't be Dina, who takes her kid out to clubs right before said kid's court date, dealing with the kid's substance use problems. Don't be Michael, who sells tape-recorded conversations with his daughter to the tabloids and airs his family's dirty laundry on Twitter. Don't be Ali, who, at 16, is living with her (allegedly) drug-addicted sister, which is...not her fault, so, back to Dina and Michael. And, of course, don't be Lindsay. Sure, she's going to be in the sure-to-be-awesome Machete (no, that's not sarcasm - Grindhouse was the highlight of my summer in 2007), but that's about the only positive she's got going for her. She's being threatened with "serious jail time", falling into cacti, and just generally being a disaster. Of course, her parents' crazy doesn't help, but neither do blog posts wondering why we're all being so hard on her. Y'all, it's not about that she's "maybe having a cocktail," it's about that she can't get - or stay - hired, that she's taking her high-school-age sister to booze- and drug-soaked music festivals in the desert, that she's blowing off court-ordered alcohol education...and when a professional Lohan apologist (hi, that's me) can't make the professional apologies anymore, things are bad. Someone go check on Cody, please. Quietly.

Don't Forget To Tell Us You HAD A BABY, John Winchester
So Jeffrey Dean Morgan (the long-lost triplet of Robert Downey, Jr. and Javier Bardem, who keeps showing up on my TV as a dead guy) and Hilarie Burton (who got stalked, adopted, married and pregnant in six seasons on One Tree Hill) - two people who hadn't seemed to ever have SPOKEN to each other - apparently have a baby boy who is a few months old. We here at Don't Do That are totally on board with SECRET BABY being the new Hollywood Trend, so get on that shit, y'all.

Don't Miss This Girl's Awesome Crazy
I know nothing about gingerslam2 beyond the fact that she writes absolutely hysterical entries for Oh No They Didn't, featuring crazy tinhatting of Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto (aka Kirk and Spock from Star Trek). Every one of her posts make us laugh, and, frankly, make two relatively boring celebrities way more interesting. Some publicist for other boring celebs should hire her. Alternatively, she could be ONTD's ambassador to the rest of the internet.

(Sidebar: ONTD, a formerly notorious bastion of ugly internet misogyny, has really stepped it up in the last year or so, don't you think? Less ugly, WAY more funny. Well-played, guys.)

Don't Blow Off The People Who Tell You About Good TV
Okay, okay, I know Daisy wrote about the total opposite of this. And yet! People have been talking at me about Friday Night Lights for years. I tried the first episode when it started airing, and for some reason it didn't stick (partly because this was Before Tivo in the Throatpunch household, I'm sure), and then it started streaming on Netflix and we accidentally watched six episodes on Sunday and now...well, this is me, telling you to watch it. I understand if you are annoyed and ignore me for a few more years, but in 2013, when you finally give in because there's nothing else on, I expect an email. You are welcome.

Don't Ignore Gabby's Birthday Wish
Remember how we told you about how awesome Gabby Sidibe is? Don't you think it would be extra awesome if she showed up on Glee? I know, a lot of people have Issues with that show - its portrayal of women, its overly-processed musical numbers, Matthew Morrison's white-boy rapping. But come on! You really think that Gabby would let them put her into their little box? Doubtful.